


my heart is screaming out

by ineffability (partlycharlie)



Series: pride month 2k19 [16]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Interviews, M/M, POV Outsider
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 14:02:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19378177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/partlycharlie/pseuds/ineffability
Summary: “You almost never see them apart, these days. And whenever they walk around together - well, it’s the oddest thing, really. Mister Fell just calls Mister Crowley by his last name, even though I’m almost certain his first name is Anthony, or something like that. And Mister Crowley calls Mister Fell by his full name! That’s why I’m almost certain - Mister Fell’s first name is something like Azeera. They’re quite the odd couple, I’ll tell you that.”





	my heart is screaming out

**Author's Note:**

> hello friends! still on that good omens grind, sorry :))))
> 
> uhhhh.
> 
> hope u enjoy <3

“Hello - is that you, Ms. Alphon?”

“Missus, dearie, but yes, that’s me.”

“Ah, lovely. Just wanted to confirm. Do you mind if I -”

“Oh, no, go ahead. Don’t mind at all.”

“Alright, recording. If you don’t mind, could you just say your name and age into the recorder, please?”

“Mhm. Grace Alphon, aged 97.”

“Great, thank you.”

 

“Now, I know you wanted to talk about the two men that you tend to see a lot around here -”

“Mister Fell and Mister Crowley, yes.”

“How do you know their names?”

“Well, Mister Fell - his first name is something like Zira, Azeer, maybe - owns a bookshop, maybe twenty minutes away from here. A.Z. Fell & Co.”

“And Mister Crowley?”

“Well, he’s the ‘And Co’, isn’t he? You almost never see them apart, these days. And whenever they walk around together - well, it’s the oddest thing, really. Mister Fell just calls Mister Crowley by his last name, even though I’m almost certain his first name is Anthony, or something like that. And Mister Crowley calls Mister Fell by his full name! That’s why I’m almost certain - Mister Fell’s first name is something like Azeera. They’re quite an odd couple, I’ll tell you that.”

“Are they?”

“Mmm?”

“A couple, I mean. Are they?”

“Oh, almost definitely. I mean, of course I don’t know for certain - one doesn’t just go around asking whether people are in relationships or not - but the way they look at each other? Well, I could only dream of having somebody that loves me the way Mister Crowley loves Mister Fell.”

“Do you have a husband, Mrs. Alphon?”

“Oh, yes, darling - David’s at home right now. He had surgery the other day, so he’s resting right now. And, yes, I know what you’re asking. I love him, and I know he loves me, but - let me tell you something, young man. Mister Crowley looks at Mister Fell like - like he’s an angel, almost.”

“Huh. Right. So - how, um. How does Mr. Fell look at Mr. Crowley?”

“Well. That depends on when you’re asking about. Back when I first saw them, Mister Fell only looked at Mister Crowley when Mister Crowley wasn’t looking back.”

“And how did Mister Fell look at him, then? When Mister Crowley couldn’t see him?”

“With - this sort of. Desperation, I think. Like he knew that what he was feeling was wrong, but he couldn’t help but feel it anyway.”

“When did you first see Mister Fell and Mister Crowley together?”

“Ah. Well, I’ve lived around here pretty much all my life, so the first time would’ve been around - eight or nine?”

“They were friends as babies?”

“No - no, no. It’s complicated - I’ll explain that part later.”

“Alright, then.”

“I remember - I was walking with my parents, and I tripped over a rock and fell on the ground and bashed my head.”

“Oh, no!”

“I would’ve thought I had broken my nose - there was blood  _ everywhere  _ \- except Mister Fell came rushing over, saying something like, ‘Oh dear, my poor girl, that must’ve been so frightening,’ and he knelt down next to me - got dirt stains all over his pants, it must have been hell to wash out.”

“Right.”

“He knelt down and brushed my hair back; all the while, Mister Crowley is trying to explain to my parents that Mister Fell had gotten a degree in medicine before he decided to open up a bookshop.”

“Did he actually?”

“Oh, I have no idea. Is it really important, though?”

“No, I suppose not.”

“At any rate, Mister Fell got a good look at my nose, tapped a finger to it - and it was the oddest thing! I swear it hurt like it got ran over by a truck, but he tapped it and all of the pain went away, just like that.”

“Really?”

“Really. And so all of the pain was gone, and he pulled a handkerchief out of  _ somewhere _ and held it to my nose, and he said  _ All better!  _ and it was.”

“Did he just - walk off, then?”

“No - well, not quite yet. Mister Crowley went off and got an ice lolly and a bottle of water, and he helped clean off my nose and then gave me the lolly - it was cherry, I remember that quite clearly - and  _ then  _ they walked away.”

“Ah. Well. That’s quite interesting, Mrs. Alphon.”

“Yes, yes. Now - the odd part is, well. When I met them, they looked exactly the same as they do now.”

“Oh, you’re kidding.”

“No! Mister Fell had the same shock of white hair, same beige suit, same blue eyes. Mister Crowley had different hair - to match the style of the decade, I’m sure, as that’s the one part of him that’s changed over the years - but the rest of him is identical! Same black suit, same sunglasses - I’ve never seen him take those off, not even once - same bright red hair. They look almost exactly the same, I swear it.”

“And you’re sure they don’t just have… descendants?”

“Oh, no. I’ve never seen either of them with children!”

“How interesting.”

“Very, I’d say.”

“Well. Unfortunately, our time is up for today, but thank you so much, Ms. Alphon, for speaking with me. I’ll be sure to send you any articles or stories I happen to write about this.”

“Yes, of course, of course. See you sometime soon, Mr. Pratchett.”


End file.
